Tuesday, Nov. 26th, 2013
Ok, so I totally slacked the past few days. On Sunday I did go to the library but I didn’t get a word written. Ok, actually I got three words written. How abysmal is that? I had good intentions to do some writing that evening instead but nope, I crashed into bed and stayed there. I try to use the fact that my son isn’t well as an excuse but honestly any excuse at all would have done.
Yesterday I also didn’t get any writing done. But with just a few days left until the end of the month and 18,000 words still looming over my head yet to be written I’m having to push away the “don’t want to” so that I can get this done. It’s not as easy as that however. When it comes to creative writing pursuits you’ve got to be inspired to some degree. Sure, there are writers who say they sit down at start writing and that’s when inspiration comes to them, but I’ve found resistance can be more insidious than that. And that is where my problem is right now.
You see, I have 75% of a book. I’m at the Wall. The dreaded point in the book where enough of the story is laid out before me that I should be rounding on the finish line. But I don’t feel it. I don’t see it. It’s beyond that horizon, over that hill, and everything behind me seems like terrain that’s lead me out into the middle of nowhere. I’ve run 32,000 miles into nothingness. I’m hating this book. As it stands there is no way I’d want to attach my name to it. It doesn’t MEAN anything. There is no message. I wandered way too far from what I had originally wanted to write about that it doesn’t even feel like my book anymore. But what do I do? Do I toss out these 32,000 words and start from scratch? Where I’ll face those same problems I faced in the early days of having no clue what this book would be about? Or do I just throw some wild twist in at this point and scrawl out 18,000 words of jibberish so I can happily call it written and throw it into a draw for the rest of its lifetime?
Or are all these doubts just the wall manifesting in resistance? What do I do right now? Pushing on to 50,000 because that’s what this month is about. And it’s 50,000 words of experience, and 50,000 words as a writer. Good or bad, when I roll over those 50,000 words I’ll have spent the month chasing that elusive name, “writer”.
Ok, so I kept writing. Now I have 34,828 words. Just 15,172 words to reach 50,000.
What rot. This is absolute trollop. I swear everything is a load of bull that’s just not worthy of being book-like. I swear I’m half about to start talking aliens and sci-fi. This is NOT a sci-fi book. It’s supposed to be about a girl with a ‘gift’ that’s cursing her to tortured teenage years. And yet, there is something else entirely coming out here and I don’t like it. Remind me never to pants again.
Ok, I need about 5,000 words each day for the next three days to get my 50,000 words for the month. I don’t know if I’ll make it. Especially since my book is now even more irredeemably horrible. I mean, seriously, aliens? ICK! I mean, it would be acceptable to write about aliens if the book was supposed to be about aliens. But it’s not. This whole pirates, diamonds, kidnapping, aliens, etc. is all meaningless. None of that has anything to do with the book I originally wanted to write. It was supposed to be about a girl who didn’t fit in at school or home because she could see dead people. None of that is in there.
I admit, the original concept doesn’t quite make a book either, but now it’s a pile of vomit. It started with a flawed concept and became more and more convoluted and ridiculous the more I forced myself to keep writing. Honestly, I do not recommend pantsing if you’re a planner.
Once I get these final 15,000 words I’ll toss this book in the big pile of “never see the light of day” works in my digital archive. I’ll go back to FoT and finish and publish that then settle in to writing the other two books for the Blood of the Nagaran Trilogy. We will never speak of Spirit Talker again.
But who knows, someday the concept might come to me with better bones, with a real story, and real meaning and message. When that day arrives, maybe Spirit Talker will find the page in a way that isn’t absolutely ridiculous.