I had a hard scene to write tonight and my Resistance to it was so great that I was crying my eyes out at the Muse arguing about having to write it the way They demanded. I’m terrified of this scene, it’s brutal and dark and takes the story places that will definitely alienate some readers. I wanted to step back from the scene, write it from a different character’s POV so that it’s less violent and breaking, but I couldn’t make it work and the Muse kept insisting that I needed to get into that dark place and make this happen to my character. And not just to have it happen, but have it visceral and in a POV so close that the reader is ripped through the experience with the character. Good writers are evil to their characters; they push them to their limits and force them to experience the worst of things so that they can rise above their experiences to become the people they were destined to be.
Anyway, after a lot of tears, and an argument with the Muse I did what writers always have to do when the Muse is insisting one thing over what you think you should be doing. Shut up and do as you’re told. So I wrote the scene. 1500 words of hell. And it wasn’t hard to write once I got out of my own way about it. I’m sure it’ll need a hell of a lot of editing and I’m terrified it’ll make it into the final draft because of the public perception part of it. But I also know that the Muse was right, this scene is a crux-point. Without it I wouldn’t be doing the story or the characters justice. It’s brutal, and honest, and dark, but it’s also rich and emotional and compelling. And it shapes my protagonist’s whole, entire future.
So, it was a painful night’s writing, but as usual, worth every minute. And hopefully it’s the hardest scene of the whole book. Although, while my Muse did promise me that, I have a hard time believing it because of the position of this scene in the entirety of the story arc. The climax is only just beginning to build, things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better. Still, I know the Muse means from a personal sense within myself. There will be violence and darkness in the rest of the book but what happened in this scene doesn’t ever happen again. From here, the character begins to heal. This scene was the breaking, everything after this is building her back to greater strength.