Articles in the Action and Dialogue Category
I hate it. You hate it. Everyone hates it.
What am I talking about? He said, she said.
Using ‘said’ occasionally is fine. I’m not going to reach through the screen and slap and author if I see that used in a manuscript. If the author uses it in every conversation their characters are involved in, I just might find a way to do that. I’m pretty sure that Google is working for an option for that in Google Labs. Just wait.
I have seen other references to using said when a writer wants to let readers know who is speaking. The general consensus is that these writers are lazy. While that may be true for some, that is not always what is going on. Most of the time the author is just unaware that there are better ways to reach their reader. They have no idea how boring it looks, only that they are trying to keep the conversation clear – who is saying what.
The thing is, readers are an intelligent bunch. They can follow a conversation in a novel. Yes they can. Even if you leave out every said, if you are careful to keep the conversation in perspective, your reader will know who is talking.
For example:
Bad- “I can’t believe you dropped the ball on this project.” Diana said.
“I’m sorry, Diana. I lost track of time.” Steven said.
Um, ew? Can you imagine the rest of that? Forty saids later, we’ll be chucking the Kindle across the room.
We could get even worse, if you like. Watch this:
“I can’t believe you dropped the ball on this project.” Diana murmured.
“I’m sorry, Diana! I lost track of time!” Steven ejaculated.
I’m trying hard to contain my laughter at this point. Steven ejaculated? The only place I ever want to read ejaculated is in an erotica. Scratch that…if any one of you writes the word ejaculated in an erotica, I will slap you. For real.
The authors using this method are still trying to convey who is speaking. They’re using their thesaurus, which is commendable, but in essence we’re reading ‘said’. No matter how descriptive you get with the word – it’s SAID.
Keep your quotes in focus. Use your description in the delivery and in the scene. If you write a conversation, keep the tone and delivery in tune with the character speaking. Describe the emotions, the position of your character, and for crying out loud – don’t use said!
Try something like this:
Diana leaned forward and covered her face with her hands after placing the phone on the desk. “I can’t believe you dropped the ball on this project.”
Shifting in his seat, Steven felt as if the world was caving in on him. He had wanted to impress Diana. “I’m sorry. I lost track of time and screwed up.”
Here we see that Diana is disappointed and Steven feels awful for the situation. Instead of being told what the characters are saying, we are drawn into the scene and can watch what is going on. As with all fiction, creating conversation is a matter of showing, not telling our readers what is going on.
Your homework now is to go back through your manuscript and strike all of those saids. Even the prettied up ones. Show your reader the scene, leave off the explanation of who is talking, and let your conversation flow.
How do you handle dialogue tags in your writing?
A good friend of mine asked if I could help her with a novel. Instead of writing a long, detailed email that could be deleted on accident, it made sense to share some ideas with all fiction writers. Now she will have something to refer to at any time and so will you.
Believable dialogue in any story is a bane to writers. Maybe not all writers. I do know that on forums and other online areas I see authors struggling to get their characters talking to each other. They are not quite sure how to get a conversation going, keep it moving, and end it with finesse.
That’s okay, folks. Those are hard concepts in day to day speech, too. I think everyone has dealt with those awkward moments of silence in a conversation. We are not sure what to say and I don’t know about you…but at those times I begin to wonder if the other person thinks I am socially challenged. (I am, but that’s a whole ‘nother can o’ beans.)
So, we sit and we struggled. A million ideas run through our minds. What to say? Will they think we sound stressed? That we’re pushing too hard? What if we say the wrong thing?
Your character thinks the same things that you do. Your characters are only extensions of yourself. Even that nasty villain running about kicking puppies is a dark bit of your soul. He’s worried that when he (or she) laughs maniacally then delivers his evil lines, the hero is going to snort in total derision and ask where he took his villain lessons. Gap sales school?
He does. He worries a lot. It’s hard being evil. Darn heroes make it that much harder.
The key to creating this dialogue is to think about what you would do in the same situation. You or your darker half. If you insist that these characters would not react as you would, then think of someone you know. Put your mother in law in the villain suit. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?
Now that you have the tools to get the conversation started and move it along, (really, that’s it – responding how you or someone you know well would), we need to talk about flow. Everyone hates reading stilted conversations. It makes you painfully aware of how hard the author is trying to sound ‘real’.
My best tip for creating and then polishing a written conversation? Read it out loud. How does it sound? If it sounds fake, try recording one character’s half of the conversation and reply back to it. Don’t force it to sound grammatically correct. How many people do you know in real life conversations that speak proper English 100% of the time? Write down your replies and then add to your document. Wash, rinse, and repeat. If you have a willing friend or a spouse you can bribe into helping you with the speaking parts, do it! You will have a superior end product.
Ending a conversation is just as hard as opening, moving, and polishing. There is no real key to this lock. Again, you need to refer to real life conversations. How do you end one? Do you make an excuse to get off of an instant message or phone call? Your characters can do this, too. Get into the mind of your character. Know what she would do. BE your character! Is she feeling uncomfortable or bored? Have her lie to the other character. “I have to walk the dog” or “Oops, doorbell” is going to work for her in the same way it will for you. In a face to face conversation, have her think up something that she needs to go and do.
And now, excuse me, but I really have to go walk the dog.
“Imagination and fiction make up more than three-quarters of our real life.” ~ Simone Weil
Ever been at a family reunion, get-together, party or other event and overheard juicy gossip about love affairs or other eyebrow-raising talk?
The (Real) Scene
You’re nibbling on that yummy chocolate cake someone made—the one that is so moist it melts as soon as it hits your tongue; the one that is so chocolaty and divine, you think you’ve died and gone to paradise when, all of a sudden, it happens–you overhear juicy news.
“Susie, I have to tell you something.”
“What?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Congratulations to you and Darren!”
“Um, not exactly…”
“Whatever do you mean, Erin?”
“Well, see, I met this man–Carlos.”
“Where?!”
“At the park.”
“Oh, Erin! How…”
“I know what you’re thinking, Susie. And I felt awful at first. Just horrendous!”
“But Erin.”
“Susie, he’s so handsome! His skin looks and feels like soft, melted caramel. His eyes are an endless sea of dark chocolate. And his hair… He has a mane of hair that is long, shiny, black, and wavy. It glistens in the sunlight (and moonlight!) with hues of blue–breathtaking. Carlos is everything I’ve ever dreamed of: daring, spontaneous, mysterious, loving, romantic—and oh, so much more!”
“Oh, Erin!”
Jolt of Reality
In walks the husband, Darren.
Uh-oh!
Gulp.
Oh, that was you—not Susie!
Now both Susie and Erin have realized you overheard the whole shebang. And Darren is left wondering why he could cut the tension in the room with that (chocolate) cake knife.
Stealing Inspiration
Wouldn’t this make for a pretty cool scene in a love story? Or do you think it’s cheesy and awful?
Have you ever been in that situation? Did you take notes—whether mental or with paper and pen? Did you try to ignore the conversation and then later wished you had written down every measly detail of juiciness?
Would you tell Erin’s husband she’s cheating on him? Would your reaction be different in real life than the make-believe story you’re writing–or would it be the same. Why?
And what about “those people” from down the street? Or the co-workers with questionable behavior?
There are so many things in real life that we can take and bleed into works of fiction. True, not every family member, friend, or “different” person you come in contact with will have a steamy — or even interesting — story. But even so, you can spice it up and make it as interesting as you’d like.
In my opinion, a lot of fiction is based on real life anyway. Sure, there are writers who have off-the-wall, unique (and simply amazing!) imaginations but there’s also quite a bit of make-believe that’s based on true stories. They’re just embellished. That’s where creative writing comes in, right?
Right.
Have you swiped a storyline from your own family or friends? If so, did they find out? What was their reaction? Do you think it’s ethical? Of course, you’d have to change names, locations, etc., so readers (or the people you’re swiping inspiration from!) would never know exactly who you’ve based your story or book on. Come on, spill the beans. You know you want to!
Photo Credit: 10-08-07 © Hélène Vallée
Quote Source: Quote Garden, Imagination
All Show, No Tell – The Audio/Visual Experience
One of the greatest lessons writers can gain by watching television series (and movies) is the importance of action and dialogue. In today’s world, we expect richer, active, even sensual experiences. We fill our entertainment hours with games, movies, soap operas, drama, theatre, ballet, situational comedy and reality television. Tangible, engaging experience involves interactions with all of our senses.
Thankfully, written media offers a wonderful opportunity to reach readers on a level of expression that goes far and beyond other forms. With words we can cause readers to see, feel, taste, smell and hear. The only way to truly allow a reader to experience a story is to show it, rather than tell it.
The Stargate Series, thanks to its audio/visual medium, is ALL SHOW AND NO TELL. Viewers watch the characters through every interaction, through every scene. We never experience internal monologue or exposition. Every vital element must be expressed to viewers through action and dialogue. The writers and producers of the Stargate SG1 series have mastered the subtlety needed to get the vital facts to viewers. They cut the chaff and engage viewers in this rich, science fiction environment.
ACTION – Something is ALWAYS happening.
In fiction we can resort to other forms of narration to tell the story but the most engaging, interesting and enriching is to ‘show’ the story through a series of SCENES. (Note: Fiction isn’t ‘all show’ and ‘no tell’ – read more but “show, don’t tell” is a vital writer tip – learn why.)
Every move your characters make, everything they see and experience, everything that happens to and around them is action. Whenever the SG1 step through the Stargate they’re taking action. What they do on the other side is action-packed.
Action isn’t always about guns blazing and car chases. Simple things like dinner, work and even sex involve action. The important thing to remember is anything you show happening must move the story forward. Every scene should take the story toward its climax, its ending.
DIALOGUE – Communication with purpose.
Getting characters to communicate is a significant action that offers writers a chance to use language between characters to share other important information. All dialogue should serve a purpose in your story. It could be character development, fact expression, or relationship based but it must move the story forward.
I’ll go into dialogue more in future Writer’s Round-About entries. Meanwhile read more about dialogue, writing dialogue, dialogue tips, and dialogue in scripts vs. novels.
Television series are rich with elements that involve viewers. We reach into the stories, interacting on a cerebral level that generates interest in the characters and what happens to them. We see it happening, we hear it happening and the audio/visual cues pull us into the action. The exact same scene could be written in two different ways, ‘show’ or ‘tell’.
If you tell the story to someone it creates the distance of a second-hand account. As writers we want to close that gap as much as possible. Sometimes it’s appropriate to give your readers distance but most of the time readers want to be fully engaged. Pull them in by showing them the action. Then they can use all their senses to experience a story, rather than just read about it.
It’s interesting to watch television in the writer frame of mind. What would be, to the average viewer, an enjoyable and almost effortless opportunity to relax in the world’s of our fictional friends, becomes an intriguing weave of technique, language, structure, and seamless formula; a masterful journey through character development, plot, sub-plot, continuity, hooks and hangers.
I’ve been watching Stargate SG-1 for hours this week all in the name of research. (I wonder if I can write the DVDs off as a tax deduction.) Often the trusty t.v. is the portal through which our brains seep but I’ve found that there are also some incredible lessons we can learn. Stargate isn’t the only television series to offer these lessons. My other personal favorites are Dark Angel, House, Californication, Heroes and Charmed.
What these six television series have in common is their complex meta-story and character development. I’m sure there are other series that have shared this asset. Each of these series starts from episode one, season one and tells a story, through every episode which ties to every thread from the beginning to end of the series as a whole.
Other shows, such as The Simpsons, Futurama, and NCIS each take a cut of life. Their episodes could be watched out of order, with zero continuity and still be as enjoyable but with my favourite six, if you miss an episode you’ll have a significant gap in events. Every episode is important because they are woven together, like a brilliantly structured series of novels.
In the coming weeks I’m going to explore what I’ve learnt in a five part series.
- Part One: Story-Arc, Plot and Sub-Plot
We’ll explore the familiar curves of story arc over episodes, seasons and series then delve into the complex unity of plot and the careful techniques used to tie sub-plot into a cohesive story.
- Part Two: Character Development
We watch the growth of loved and loathed characters as they develop through a series. These characters share their past and present with us; we develop emotional connections that leave us intimately involved in their future.
- Part Three: Action and Dialogue
Why t.v. and movies are a fantastic way to encourage powerful writing. All “Show” and no “Tell”. How can we incorporate this audio/visual experience and translate it for written media?
- Part Four: Hooks, Hangers and the Sequence of Events
How t.v. series writers have mastered the “Story Hook”. They grip us in the first few minutes pre opening credits and leave us hanging as the final credits roll across the screen. How does the sequence of events hold an audience? We’ll explore the finer points of when to push and when to pull your viewers/readers.
- Part Five: Formula – Making A Success Key Mould
The most successful t.v. series follow a very specific formula, so do many writers. What keeps this formula fresh and interesting? How can we make a mould of our own successes so we can replicate them in the future?
I hope you’re as intrigued by the idea as I am. If you’ve been looking for a legitimate excuse to spend a few hours watching old episodes of your favourite t.v. shows you now have one. Consider it homework if you like. Watch t.v. with your writer’s mind fully switched on and tuned in. What do you learn about writing from your favourite t.v. series?
