Articles archived for November 2010

I hate it. You hate it. Everyone hates it.

What am I talking about? He said, she said.

Using ‘said’ occasionally is fine. I’m not going to reach through the screen and slap and author if I see that used in a manuscript. If the author uses it in every conversation their characters are involved in, I just might find a way to do that. I’m pretty sure that Google is working for an option for that in Google Labs. Just wait.

I have seen other references to using said when a writer wants to let readers know who is speaking. The general consensus is that these writers are lazy. While that may be true for some, that is not always what is going on. Most of the time the author is just unaware that there are better ways to reach their reader. They have no idea how boring it looks, only that they are trying to keep the conversation clear – who is saying what.

The thing is, readers are an intelligent bunch. They can follow a conversation in a novel. Yes they can. Even if you leave out every said, if you are careful to keep the conversation in perspective, your reader will know who is talking.

For example:

Bad- “I can’t believe you dropped the ball on this project.” Diana said.

“I’m sorry, Diana. I lost track of time.” Steven said.

Um, ew? Can you imagine the rest of that? Forty saids later, we’ll be chucking the Kindle across the room.

We could get even worse, if you like. Watch this:

“I can’t believe you dropped the ball on this project.” Diana murmured.

“I’m sorry, Diana! I lost track of time!” Steven ejaculated.

I’m trying hard to contain my laughter at this point. Steven ejaculated? The only place I ever want to read ejaculated is in an erotica. Scratch that…if any one of you writes the word ejaculated in an erotica, I will slap you. For real.

The authors using this method are still trying to convey who is speaking. They’re using their thesaurus, which is commendable, but in essence we’re reading ‘said’. No matter how descriptive you get with the word – it’s SAID.

Keep your quotes in focus. Use your description in the delivery and in the scene. If you write a conversation, keep the tone and delivery in tune with the character speaking. Describe the emotions, the position of your character, and for crying out loud – don’t use said!

Try something like this:

Diana leaned forward and covered her face with her hands after placing the phone on the desk. “I can’t believe you dropped the ball on this project.”

Shifting in his seat, Steven felt as if the world was caving in on him. He had wanted to impress Diana. “I’m sorry. I lost track of time and screwed up.”

Here we see that Diana is disappointed and Steven feels awful for the situation. Instead of being told what the characters are saying, we are drawn into the scene and can watch what is going on. As with all fiction, creating conversation is a matter of showing, not telling our readers what is going on.

Your homework now is to go back through your manuscript and strike all of those saids. Even the prettied up ones. Show your reader the scene, leave off the explanation of who is talking, and let your conversation flow.

How do you handle dialogue tags in your writing?

How many times are we going to hear this? As many times as it takes to get it through that thick writer skull! Show, show, show me what you want me to see. Telling is for writers that aren’t interested in being published.

This is one of the most important tools in your writer toolbox. The ability to show your readers what is going on. It doesn’t matter if your main character is just picking up a gallon of milk from the grocery store, I want to see the store and if there is a zombie apocalypse breaking out – you better show me.

Remember ‘The Mist’ by Stephen King? Most of the story takes place in a store. An everyday, innocent place becomes a bastion of safety or maybe a tomb for those left behind. The reason we know this, is not because Mr. King tells us. It is because Stephen King is a master of showing. When you read his stories, you see the horror in his character’s motions. Their faces are visible in your mind’s eye. You can taste their fear…delectable fear. If you have not read this story, pick up any of King’s books. Even readers that are not horror fans will be able to see how he pulls readers into his scenes.

Here’s a breakdown of what telling is:

You describe the actions of the character but do not describe the emotions or surroundings to readers. Hm, here I am trying to tell you…that’s no good. I’ll show you instead.

Telling:

Paul stood in the checkout line and watched as the zombie nonchalantly nibbled on the bag boy two lines over.

Okay, do you see the problem here? We know where Paul is and what he sees. Nothing else, though. We have no idea what Paul thinks, feels, or if he is so whacked out on drugs that this is all just a hallucination.

Let’s take a look at what the same scene looks like if we show the reader what is going on.

Showing:

That evening’s dinner fell to the tiled floor, forgotten. A stench of old death assaulted Paul’s nostrils when the automated doors slid open and the fresh air stirred the zombie’s rotting clothes. The casual way it chewed on the screaming bag boy’s arm reminded Paul of last night’s chicken legs.

Not a perfect example, but I’m sure you can see the difference. In the first example, while it gets the job done, there is no flavor. Mmm, flavor.

In the second example we can see what is happening. Paul is shocked enough to drop his groceries, can smell the fetid zombie, and has a weird connection in his mind with his former dinner. Nasty, but effective in communicating the absurd horror of the grocery store zombie.

I am fond of telling writers to paint a picture with words. This is exactly what show, don’t tell means. We are sharing our worlds with readers, instead of giving them the bland slide-show, let’s take the time to record a high definition DvD. Put that sucker into the reader’s plasma screen mind and give them the grand tour of your world.

Have you ever been browsing Craigslist and come across these titles?

Agent needed for my novel!!!!!!!

Need and agent ASAP

Aspiring Author Needs Agent

Yes, people actually try to find agents by posting Craigslist advertisements. If you are one of those writers and are reading this: STOP posting your agent ad on Craigslist right NOW. I’m not joking. Just quit it. No self respecting agent is going to answer these ads. None that are legitimate. Any agent responding to an ad like this is out to empty your wallet.

For the rest of you: Don’t do this. It makes you look unprofessional and downright silly. No one is going to take an author seriously when they’re looking for an agent in this manner. Literary agents do not cruise Craigslist in search of poorly written advertisements from desperate authors. They don’t, I promise you. If an agent is on that website, then he or she is looking for something else. Sure they’ve closed down the adult services section, but that isn’t stopping the trade, if you get my drift.

(Dear Agent reading this post – forgive the adult services joke. I’m aware that you’re really looking for vintage Star Wars toys. Are we good now?)

You’re probably wondering what you’re supposed to do to land that agent. The process isn’t as hard as you may think. If it were, no writer would have an agent. Just because Joe Schmoe from ThisRantyBlog says getting an agent is impossible does not mean that is true. Agents want to represent you. That is how they make a living. They do not want to cringe when reading a query – they really and truly want to take on your book.

Let’s get you on that path to finding your dream agent. Do you have your manuscript ready? What? You don’t? That will never do. When you query an agent with an amazing story and assuming he or she asks for a partial or full to consider…what are you going to say? “Oh, well, the book isn’t exactly done.”

Goodbye, Dream Agent.

Write your manuscript. Polish it until it shines. When you are finished, let it sit and then polish it again after a week or so. Fresh eyes find mistakes that are missed the first (or second) time around. Once you have done everything you can to make that book sparkle, research writing query letters.

Do not write the letter yet. Just research. Learn everything you can about writing the query. While you are doing this, network with other writers. Find out who they have queried. Pay attention to the writers that have landed a great agent. If another writer offers to refer to their agent thank your lucky stars! A referred writer has a better chance with agents. Don’t believe me? Check out Nathan Bradford’s Blog : HERE

See? I wouldn’t lie to you.

If you have gotten a referral or have found an agent you’d like to query, read their submission guidelines. This is exactly the same process as authors submitting to magazines and e-publishers go through. You will need to tailor your query to the agent(s) you are approaching. Please don’t send out cookie cutter queries. That’s tacky. You are a writer – put as much (if not more!) effort into your query as you did into the novel. That query is what sells your book.

If an agent requests a full or a partial, you’ve done it! You have written a winning query and entered into the final stage of the race to being published. What happens afterward depends on your manuscript and if you ‘click’ with the agent.

And that, my friend, is another post altogether.